November 8, 2011

Sunday And Monday

Oh man, I feel all kinds of mixed emotions right now. Some bad, some good. Let’s blog the nights.

Sunday was a weird day. So, I wasn’t sick but I didn’t feel that great. Had a little bit of a headache. I went to the Scramble. It was fun. It took the audience a few minutes, but finally they said they wanted to laugh. I pulled out an old joke book and did a few that I had forgotten. I like these jokes so I gotta remember to do them more. That was that night. Could have gone to On the Y, but didn’t feel up to it at that point. Needed to sleep.

Now on to the mixed emotions. So Monday Nights there are basically three open mics. Nutty Mondays, Po Boyz, and the Boxing Donkey. Usually I avoid Nutty Mondays, because I haven’t ever had a good experience there, and the people that go there can’t stand my act at all. I always have to wait two hours to get on, which means I miss the other two open mics, and then I get the light almost immediately. It’s never been fun. Me going there is just a bad time for all. Well, for some reason the idiot that runs it came out and told me I’m his favorite comic all of a sudden. In the past he had always complained about my act, so I don’t know why he suddenly changed his tune. Maybe he saw me at another venue and changed his mind? He said I could come to Nutty Mondays and get on any time, and even host it if I wanted to. Wow. So, I go out. My heart begins to sink as the time slowly passes. Soon it’s 11pm. I’ve already missed Po Boyz, and I may not make it to the Boxing Donkey. Then finally I get up, with no warning or anything. I ask the crowd what they want to do. Immediately the host (whom I will not name) sounds pissed and mutters WTF. WTF! You invited me out dude. Then you undermine my whole act by showing the crowd that even you hate it. I’m your favorite comedian since when? Even the crowd is angry. A lot of people were saying they wanted to laugh, but then others were saying they wanted to get fucked up, and other stupid shit. Then they kept demanding I tell jokes. I don’t tell jokes on demand or on command. I tell jokes when I think it will help people do what they want, and the crowd was unable to come to a consensus on one thing they wanted to do, that I could help them do by telling jokes. The host was getting frantic and losing his mind, flashing his phone all over the place. I said, yeah this isn’t going to work, so I’m gonna go. People asked me why I was getting off stage. It’s a hostile environment, I want to leave now. The host gets up ready to make fun of me to please the crowd. The DJ says, hey don’t do that, that’s somebody’s child. That’s somebody’s child. I got the chills and snuck out as fast as I could. Needless to say I can’t imagine a scenario in which I ever go back there again. No one there wants me there, and I don’t want to be there. I guess the lesson learned here is, never listen to any comic who tells you you’re their favorite comic, and definitely never go to their open mic that they run. That’s the second time out of two times that has been a huge mistake and waste of life.

Fortunately, Sam said I could make the Boxing Donkey still. I was so angry, I was hoping to get pulled over to help me cool down. But I don’t drive fast so once I was on the freeway going 60, that helped. Then I got to the Donkey. I have said it before and I will say it again. My favorite open mic in Sac is in Roseville. Always a good time. My anger lifted immediately upon entering. Thanks Sam, you’re the best. Norm said there was some coffee. I got a quarter cup full. It was all I needed. Told the story of the Nutty Mondays to get it off my chest. The crowd said they wanted to get me to punch the punching bag game. I did it. I didn’t get that high a score, just a killer. I don’t really punch though. In fact I don’t think I ever learned how to do it right. Gotta take some martial arts classes to learn how. Then they said they wanted to snow board, but that was BS. I said we had to go to the alps, and no one went. Then they wanted to hear the stripper jokes, but I didn’t have time, and plus I had a new joke I wanted to try about cutting finger nails. They said they wanted that one more, so I did it. They liked it.