August 21, 2013

Unicorns and Jokes

I did a couple of open mics tonight. First I did Luna’s Cafe. They have a Wednesday showcase there too so don’t get confused. I haven’t done that one in a while because the guy who runs it lost my number, so he doesn’t know it’s me texting to get a spot. I’ve decided I won’t go until he figures it out, or books me without knowing who I am.

Anyway, I can still go to the Tuesday open mic, and I did. It was kind of weird because one of the hosts grabbed for my dick a few times, and he’s a guy and I’m straight, so it was unwanted. I went up and did a set. The other people there didn’t know what they wanted to do at first, but finally decided they wanted to hear a joke. I told my one about brown and yellow, but before that I held the mic stand like it was a flute and blew on the mic for a bit.

After that I went to the Pine Cove. I don’t go that often, but I was glad I did. They have two bike stands there, but nobody uses them. Instead they lock their bikes in the back of the place. People hang out in the back, but no one hangs out around the bike stands so it would be easy for a thief to thieve. First I took my bike inside, but then I took it outside to the back.

I missed my set at first because I was third, and the first guy did like 20 minutes on his guitar. I figured the second lady would do 20 minutes, but she maybe did 3, so I didn’t get back in in time. So I ended up going fourth. They said they wanted to knock knock. I told them go ahead. But then they wanted to do impressions too. So I said they have to fight it out to see which one to do. Then this lady said she wanted to hear some Dane Cook stuff. I said I hate Dane Cook. She asked why. I said because I don’t think he’s funny. She asked how I know he’s not funny. I said because I watched him, and I didn’t laugh. A lot of people liked that, so it got the crowd on my side except for her. Then she said she wanted to hear about unicorns. So I started talking about unicorns. I said how a unicorn is a fictional creature like a horse with one giant goat horn. But then she stopped paying attention so I got her attention. Then she started trying to argue about whether or not Unicorns were better or Catcorns. I couldn’t argue because I don’t know. So they voted and said a unicorn is better. But then someone said something about a dragoncorn. I really couldn’t care, Jimmy could crack corn. Man, I wish I would have thought of that then… oh well. I think she figured out there was no way to win with me if I wouldn’t fight. Then someone said they wanted to hear a slave joke. I told a slave joke. People really paid attention so it was cool, and it got a pretty good laugh even though I only told the first half of it.