Stephen Ferris

Tonight after work I bought some 1/2 galvanized pipe for a home project. I bought a 10 foot section, but had it cut to be one 9 foot section, and one 1 foot section. Well, actually what we did just to be sure was measure the size I needed by connecting a 5 foot section and a 4 foot section together, because I’m going to replace a 5 foot and 4 foot piece that are coupled, and I was worried that might not work out to exactly 9 feet, but the home improvement store guy said it was pretty damn close. Then he threaded the cut ends of the 9 foot piece and the leftover 1 foot piece. It was pretty cool to watch, and I would definitely recommend it to anyone to see at least once in your life. It’s like sex but with pipe not being a metaphor. Like, Leslie Pipes would actually be a pipe.

After that I swung by The Comedy Spot open mic, and got a burrito at Azul. I checked the list for the open mic, but it was really full. What I do now if I show up late, is I just appear. If the host sees me and gets excited about putting me on, then I’ll let them put me on. Otherwise, if I ask if there’s room, it just puts tons of pressure on them and they resent me for it, even though that’s never my intention. It’s just what happens. Plus it’s just more fun to perform on shows where you know the host loves you and wants to expose the crowd to you, and if they ask you instead of you asking them, it really means a lot and feels really good. I think it’s a win – win for everyone.

Anyway, then I left and went to Starlight. I hung out for a while and listened to a David Bowie cover, and then I bombed for a few minutes. I didn’t really care though. I felt like I was able to acknowledge that I was bombing without saying it. Then at the end I over explained what was going to happen when my set was over, and that got some good laughs.

Last night I went to On The Y, and I bombed. But it was okay. I met a cool lady who liked my set, and I wrote a joke about On The Y. In the joke I claim that The Beastie Boys played at On The Y in the ’80s, and one of them left […]

I did an open mic tonight called Vince’s. They make it a competition, and if you win you get your name written on a trophy with a Sharpie. I could care less about that, so I took advantage of the fact that people were avoiding going first, and signed up first even though ten people […]

Randomly walked into The Starlight tonight and did a set. First I got a “Not your father’s root beer.” It was good. They said they wanted to laugh, so I worked on my rapped by a turd joke a little bit more. There weren’t any other comics there that I knew. The crowd enjoyed it. […]

Just got done doing a set at Momo Lounge on a show called Comedy Burger. It was great man. I hadn’t done a set in like three weeks, so I was a little worried about remembering jokes, but they all came to me. I did start to tank a little bit at the beginning, but […]

Last Thursday I did this show called Mission Position at a video store in San Francisco’s Mission district. The show started off weird with Margaret Cho and some friends singing a few songs in a makeshift band. Then a guy who normally did stand-up read a really long story about a dog. Eventually I got […]

Tonight I went to the Scramble open mic at the comedy spot. I asked what they wanted to do, and they took their time. Eventually one guy said party but almost immediately, before he could finish, another guy said laugh. So then I said they had to pick between the two, but they wouldn’t do […]

I went to the Punchline tonight and got a set. I was going to help this girl I’ve been seeing with some PHP, but she got tired and went to sleep. I texted her “$_SESSION” and then she sent back a kissface. You don’t find them like that everyday. Anyway the crowd was really small, […]

The Comedy Spot had a wild card round for their Sacramento Comedy Festival competition. I got rejected from the initial submission. I told them I was a joker, which is a wild card, so they let me in. I did my set last night. The crowd was tense. I don’t get it. They’re not the […]

I got to headline the Punchline in Sacramento on August 13th. It was my birthday, but it was a coincidence that the show was that day too. It was pretty awesome. I did a real nice solid 45 minute set, and everyone seemed to have a great time. Thank you to my friend Robert Berry […]